Well, I’m still here. I had a goal to try to write a blog post a week, but I’m learning sometimes you have to push projects to the side and be OK with that. I want to keep writing and writing, but it really does take a lot of emotional energy to get through longer pieces. I often feel frustrated by my lack of motivation because I set high goals for myself, knowing deep down I’m setting myself up for failure. I want to excel at one thing, and maybe that will be writing, who knows? But right now I’m not putting enough work in. Its all blood, sweat and tears and sometimes I just don’t have the energy. And sometimes you just feel like a broken record, merely responding to others. This doesn’t suit me, I like to think for myself which is what attracted me to anarchy in the first place. It compelled me to keep searching despite so many dead ends.
Its a confusing and unclear time and anybody who claims to have answers is sorely misguided at best and deceptive politicking at worst. This is one of the hardest things for anarchists to come to terms with. As more and more people come to anarchism through the internet, I fear this search for answers will lead many to simply follow established doctrines written by anarchists for a different time, because it provides the directions.
What accounts for this lack of imagination? It seems just too easy to get swallowed up in all the social causes and outrages of the day, especially with the emphasis placed on identity. These anarchists adherence to notions of community as to be laughable betray their true ideologies rooted in Marxism and Maoism and other leftist nonsense. There is a spiritual component missing from anarchy, and our lives. I suggest anarchists think about this. I long for flexible thinking and not the rigid adherence to dogma. We have religiosity without the insight that religion might actually provide, that certain mystics have spoken of. Instead of Saints we now just have secular Gods of almighty Science.
I am not an anarchist that wants to save humanity. Humanity is one of the greatest causes of the misery in the world. It pulls us away from living freely on our own terms. It forces us to conform, to normalize and control ourselves. It doesn’t allow for negativity, because one must have hope in the future to place so much value on human life. It keeps anarchy safe and inviting. And yet there is nothing really human about the way these people see the world. For them the human is obscene. Violence is abhorred despite being part of homo sapiens existence from time immemorial; unless the violence is done collectively it is denounced.
What is the difference between someone who kills for pleasure, frustration or revenge and someone who murders for political gains? Its a strange moral line some people draw in the sand.